Well here I am. I unofficially quit blogging on my personal page but since I know that I will need someplace to write all of this down I am choosing to start fresh with a new page here.
Today I weigh more than I ever have in my life (except while pregnant of course).
263lbs
I have never typed those number out for the world to see, like my weight is only what defines me? This is part of my process... being honest and letting go of the stigma that numbers create. People won't love me if they really knew how much I weigh. That sounds ridiculous, yet that has gone through my head. I am ashamed of how I have let myself get here, but I also know that I am too smart to let it go on any further.
Someone in my life is battling addiction right now and I have been able to really put a mirror up to myself and recognize the similarities with their addiction to mine. My addiction is absolutely food. Food is my comfort, my hidden battle (or not so hidden?), and my go to to when I need to feel a "high". Only it's not helping my anymore, or maybe I am realizing that it never really did, and it's hurting me.
I am almost 35 (in Oct) and I am way more tired and achy than I should be. I have this inner athlete in me that is SCREAMING to get out. I just simply cannot do the things that I used to or that I want to anymore. It is hard to swallow. I have had some people in my life who have recently lost weight (the right way) and while I have been impressed on the sidelines I haven't used it as inspiration, because I was doubtful that I could really do this. The grip of the food addiction is SO strong that I had let it be in charge and tell me what I could and couldn't do. That is bullshit though. I am stronger than this, stronger than bad food choices.
I am in active therapy (not for food addiction, but we're certainly addressing it) and being given the tools to understand why I let myself get to the point where I need to either binge or just make a REALLY poor choice in the first place has been powerful.
So here I am on day 1, taking baby steps and choices one at a time.
Today I weigh more than I ever have in my life (except while pregnant of course).
263lbs
I have never typed those number out for the world to see, like my weight is only what defines me? This is part of my process... being honest and letting go of the stigma that numbers create. People won't love me if they really knew how much I weigh. That sounds ridiculous, yet that has gone through my head. I am ashamed of how I have let myself get here, but I also know that I am too smart to let it go on any further.
Someone in my life is battling addiction right now and I have been able to really put a mirror up to myself and recognize the similarities with their addiction to mine. My addiction is absolutely food. Food is my comfort, my hidden battle (or not so hidden?), and my go to to when I need to feel a "high". Only it's not helping my anymore, or maybe I am realizing that it never really did, and it's hurting me.
I am almost 35 (in Oct) and I am way more tired and achy than I should be. I have this inner athlete in me that is SCREAMING to get out. I just simply cannot do the things that I used to or that I want to anymore. It is hard to swallow. I have had some people in my life who have recently lost weight (the right way) and while I have been impressed on the sidelines I haven't used it as inspiration, because I was doubtful that I could really do this. The grip of the food addiction is SO strong that I had let it be in charge and tell me what I could and couldn't do. That is bullshit though. I am stronger than this, stronger than bad food choices.
I am in active therapy (not for food addiction, but we're certainly addressing it) and being given the tools to understand why I let myself get to the point where I need to either binge or just make a REALLY poor choice in the first place has been powerful.
So here I am on day 1, taking baby steps and choices one at a time.
